Home Again.

Well, it took us two full months but we are FINALLY home.

Four years ago we decided to move. One year ago we decided it would be this June. And two months ago we packed up our home in Los Angeles and hit the road for what turned out to be points HIGHLY unknown.

After almost 5 weeks with my in-laws in Texas we headed for New York because we'd been assured from all sides that closing would "happen any day now".

Yeah, closing totally did not happen "any day now".

Instead we spent the next 5 weeks entirely adrift with our three children under six.

Ever wanted a sure-fire test of who your real friends are? May I suggest targeted use of the phrase:

"Hey could me and my husband and kids come crash with you for a while? Until when, you say? Hmm, not clear really. Can we leave it kind of open-ended for now?"

It really separates the wheat from the chaff, I tell ya.

We ended up hunkered down in my amazing wonderful never-to-be-repaid cousin's basement for the better part of a month, eating off of paper plates and spending roughly EVERY WAKING MOMENT shouting at the children, 

"Don't touch any of the things!"

By day, desperate to get the kids out of the house, we'd spend hour after hour at the Paramus mall. We hit up the indoor playground so often the staff knew us by name. My children subsisted on a steady diet of Smoothie King and Wendy's cheeseburgers and each day I began to regret each my life choices just a little bit more.

As September approached without much hope in sight of ever signing ownership papers, I realized that desperate measures needed to be taken. My cousin was returning home from a month at the beach with three kids of her own in tow, which meant our days in the basement were numbered. My tolerance for a mall-based existence had been whittled away to less that nothing, and I was genuinely worried about what effects an all-cheese-meat and pulverized fruit diet was having on my children's systems. 

And so I decided I would have to give the kids away.

On a Saturday morning in late August I drove my husband and children to La Guardia airport and shipped them back to Texas. I came home and immediately began the important work of calling mortgage brokers and tearfully informing them how my children had been ripped from my very arms because I had no house to call my own!

They totally didn't care and let me know that until the ConEd hold on our electrical box was resolved I could basically go eff myself.

So yeah August? It wasn't all that great for me.

But I'm happy to report a MAJOR SEPTEMBER TURNAROUND. We now own our new house! My family is once again whole and under the same (non-basement-y) roof! My kids are at some point soon going to get on a reasonable school schedule and most importantly…..

THE BLOG IS BACK!

Thanks for waiting out my long absence. I look forward to a great Fall together. Please if you haven't yet joined us on Facebook come over to www.facebook.com/shortfatdictator and join the good times.

See you next week with a blog entirely unrelated to my move-related woes (there may be some unpacking-related harangues, though -- no promises….)