It's just that I've been...BUSY.
I've been this kind of busy:
"OK, if I get up at 6 I can work on Demi Moore's Boyfriend's Penis Pearl Jokes until the kids get up, then while I make breakfast I can clean up from last night until I need to get the kids ready for music class, then I can make a shopping list in my head while the kids bang on the tambourine and maybe catch up on phone calls on the way to the store, then while I unload groceries I can Google information on summer camps..."
The odd thing about being super-busy is that it tends, for me, to be wildly non-productive. At a certain point of maximum busyness I reach one of two states:
- BUSYNESS PARALYSIS: In which I become so overwhelmed by everything I have to do that all I can manage is to sit absolutely still, occasionally refreshing Facebook and engaging in excessive snacking.
- BUSYNESS PANIC: "OK, wait, was that pre-school thing I was supposed to bake for tomorrow? Crap. OK - I need to make 100 chocolate chip cookies while I send out that work email and attempt to stop the baby from crawling into the crisper drawer now that her brother has opened the refrigerator to get himself a snack because I forgot to feed him lunch." CUT TO: Me taking a shower while eating a sandwich and shouting homework answers to my son through the door.
I have to admit that neither approach is particularly awesome.
"What was your first impression of America?"
"I wondered why everyone was rushing."
And it really made me wonder about my own needless rushing.
I accept on some level that most of what my children will learn form me they will learn from direct example. So, I've made an attempt to shed as many negative behaviors as possible. For example, I have stopped having Zone Bars and Diet Cokes for breakfast. I've worked to stop obsessing about my weight and tried to model self-acceptance. I've even stopped wearing my pajamas in public.
Because those are all behaviors I don't want my kids to adopt. Just like I don't want them to think that running through life like a frantic squirrel with its hair on fire is normal.
My kids have several toys that play songs.
My kids have several toys that play songs.
It is amazing how many of these playthings marketed to the under-5 set emphasize being busy:
"Busy, busy, busy, busy there's so much to do! Take some time to laugh and play -- there's so much to do today!"
"Bzzzzzz! I am as busy as a bee! Counting my one, two, threes!"
"Good morning! Good morning! Good morning to you! Good morning! Good morning! There's so much to do!"
It's kind of a bizarre message to be constantly imparting to toddlers, right?
And so I'm trying to make a change and FIGHT THE BUSY.
I'm making a few more lists, I'm letting a couple more things slide, and I'm working to spend more time playing with my little ones and less time obsessing about the impeccable nature of my bake sale offerings.
We're not exactly living in total ZEN-relaxationville yet, but I'm making small changes. With that being said I do need to go -- I've got some things to catch up on...
