Last week I discussed Snoodie's first word ("DADDY") and our LONG journey to what I believe was approximately his 274th word - - - "MOMMY".
It was a fraught period, but as soon as we had those first words behind us, I got busy looking forward to all the Snood-talking that was to come.
There would be oodles of chatting!
Barrels of conversing!
Gobs of discourse on an endless range of topics!
We were finally going to get a much-desired glimpse into what the Snood had been thinking for lo these past two years.
And let's be honest, there was some small part of me that believed that my son might have been spending the past two years just waiting to master the power of speech so that he could finally express to me his appreciation for the kick-ass mothering I'd been handing out all his life.
Yeah, that was not so much the case.
It turns out that what Snoodie was waiting to express was his exasperation with the speed with which his needs were being met on a daily basis -- a truth that he began to rectify the moment he gained the power of speech by barking out a seemingly endless list of demands.
Our daily interactions went something like this:
"I WANT CHICKEN!"
" I WANT CHICKEN WITH KETCHUP!!!!"
"AGAIN!"
"I WANT MICKEY MOUSE DVD!"
"AGAIN! AGAIN!"
"I WANT HOT DOG!"
"AGAIN"
"I WANT BLUE BEAR!"
"BLUUUUUEEEEE BEAR!!!!!"
"I WANT TEE-VEE!"
"AGAIN! AGAIN!"
In between trying to convince Snoodie to insert the occasional "Please" into his long list of "I WANT"s, I made a sad and sorry attempt to gently steer the conversation in more mom-appreciation-centric directions.
The results were... underwhelming.
ME: I love.....Snoodie. OK, now you try. Snoodie loves........
SNOOD: CANDY!
ME: Right. Of course you do. Because candy is delicious. But let's think of some other things we love. Like maybe even a mention of our family? I love........Daddy!
SNOOD: I love......
ME: That's it! What do you love?
SNOOD: JUICE!
ME: Right, but like I said we are trying to move AWAY from the foodstuffs!
SNOOD: I love Curious George!
ME: I LOVE MOMMY! I LOVE MOMMY! Just say it, OK?
SNOOD: I love........CUPCAKES!
ME: OK, forget it.
SNOOD: I WANT PLAYGROUND!
And so it was that, as with the many Snoodie-centric plans that had come before, I abandoned my attempts to make things go my way (with a verbal confirmation of my Mommy greatness) and instead ceded to Snoodie's way (by simply and quietly working to meet his demands as quickly as humanly possible in order to quell his omni-present rage).
All of which is to say I'm afraid I have to sign off now. My Snoodish overlord is deeply unhappy with the service he received this morning, and it seems he'd like to meet with me pronto....in order to discuss it.
